What turns us on about an avatar?

I’ve got a question that I’ve been thinking about for a while now: What makes an avatar sexually compelling or attractive to us as flesh-and-blood users? What do we, as individuals behind the keyboard, find erotically or romantically alluring about a digital representation? What do we look for? For example, is it looks? Is it behavior? Common interests? The ability to converse proficiently in text chat? None or all of the above? Isn’t it even somewhat bizarre to think that we could become aroused by an embodiment of pixels? And I don’t necessarily mean attraction to an avatar per se. I mean, what is it specifically that stirs us to the point of engaging in cybersex with an avatar?

I’m currently soliciting thoughts on this topic from Second Life residents, and then I plan to share their thoughts, and some of mine, as well.

12 Comments

  1. Comment by Vincent Doctorow on June 27, 2006 7:40 pm

    I think… visually speaking, what turns us (or just me? ^_^) on about an avatar is the perfect ratio of real life beauty standards mixed with scandalousness not permissible in reality. Any glance in most places in SL tells you that the standards for bodily beauty that exist IRL are sustainted for the most part in SL: large breasts, hour glass shape, long eyelashes, full lips for women, angular faces, muscular torsos for men (being a guy I guess I can say for more women standards XD). But what’s appealing about SL, and therefore about an avatar, is you can dress up this avatar in sexual, sensuous ways usually not possible IRL except in the most private of circumstances. A naked body with only ribbons and leather straps covering the private parts… in SL, you can go almost anywhere in that kind of clothing. I think alot of people find that sexy.

    Okay, so I’m just rehashing the tired cliche argument: you can do things in SL you can’t do IRL.

  2. Comment by Blixa on June 28, 2006 8:24 pm

    Got your message. Congrats. :)

    I’m taking a small hiatus from sl. Hoping that after a while, I’ll sort of re-discover what I liked about it at the start.

  3. Comment by Noche on June 29, 2006 11:09 pm

    Blixa: Hey, nice to hear from you. I was wondering where you had disappeared to. See ya soon, perhaps. And much thanks. ;)

  4. Comment by Noche on June 29, 2006 11:27 pm

    Vincent: What you explained relates to taboo infringement, and that definitely gives rise to titillation. Like you said, many avatars in SL are skimpy on the clothing. I’ve seen quite a few practically naked at in-world dance clubs, in fact. Bad Girls is one of the places that springs to mind. Have you been there? If not, you should check it out. You’d probably really dig it. I do.

  5. Pingback by Apogeevr » Blog Archive » How pixels stir passion on July 6, 2006 1:40 am

    […] * Vincent Doctorow (who commented in this post): “I think… visually speaking, what turns us (or just me? ^_^) on about an avatar is the perfect ratio of real life beauty standards mixed with scandalousness not permissible in reality. Any glance in most places in SL tells you that the standards for bodily beauty that exist IRL are sustained for the most part in SL: large breasts, hour glass shape, long eyelashes, full lips for women, angular faces, muscular torsos for men (being a guy I guess I can say for more women standards XD). But what’s appealing about SL, and therefore about an avatar, is you can dress up this avatar in sexual, sensuous ways usually not possible IRL except in the most private of circumstances. A naked body with only ribbons and leather straps covering the private parts… in SL, you can go almost anywhere in that kind of clothing. I think a lot of people find that sexy.” […]

  6. Comment by Bonnie on July 6, 2006 7:00 pm

    Always the trouble-maker :-) , I personally feel the answer to your “Why avatars?” quetion, Noche, has more to do with the fact that they’re specifically not real. Obviously, not everyone finds avatars more appealing than RL people, but for those who do… I can’t help but think there’s something attractive about knowing that the body you’re looking at (highly mutable and controllable, yes) is merely a mask (in some senses, at least). That disconnect — that further seperation between people — can itself be hot.

  7. Comment by Noche on July 6, 2006 9:03 pm

    That’s a very highly subjective answer, and there’s certainly absolutely nothing wrong with that, obviously. (And you even acknowledge the fact that it’s subjective, it seems, when you said “I personally feel…”)

    I do find it intriguing that this is the second time you’ve referred to that ‘disconnect,’ and that you find it a turn-on. I think you mentioned it in a recent post on your site? I am trying to better understand what you’re trying to describe. Are you referring to objectification? Seems like. If so, all I can say is, yummy.

    If I wanted to get a little more metaphysical about all this, I can say that one of the things I like about interacting with avatars is that the people who assume those digital personae feel a lot more comfortable about dropping the mask.

    Ooooh, I just love it when that mask comes off. I have alluded to this in one way or another on countless occasions on this site, including that post I made a while back on dirty talk: it’s a huge turn-on when people REALLY tell you what they’re thinking — what REALLY lurks in those dark corners of our minds. And that goes back to the human connection factor that I mentioned here.

    Human connection doesn’t always have to involve getting all mushy. Humans are, after all, animals — something people too often neglect to remember. And one of the greatest turn-ons of all is a mutual acknowledgment of that fact.

    Is it any wonder I wear horns in Second Life?

  8. Comment by Bonnie on July 8, 2006 8:15 am

    “If I wanted to get a little more metaphysical about all this, I can say that one of the things I like about interacting with avatars is that the people who assume those digital personae feel a lot more comfortable about dropping the mask.”

    But that’s because the mask exists in the first place.

    Of course, like you say, it’s definitely a subjective issue, but my feeling is that real-life sex leaves us vulnerable–emotionally, physically. Sex online, because we can wear “masks,” because we have distance between us in all sense of the word, in short because of a disconnect, makes us feel safe in our solitude. And that is a turn-on.

  9. Comment by Noche on July 8, 2006 1:44 pm

    But that’s because the mask exists in the first place.

    Alas, the age-old truism that the wearing of the mask helps us drop the mask.

    Regardless, what is it, Bonnie, that you look for in an avatar, specifically? What hooks you in, for example (beyond the overall anonymity, or disconnect)? Do your criteria reflect your physical world ideal (like I think it does for a lot of people)? Or do you just cyber to do research, and not derive any genuine enjoyment out of it?

    Inquiring minds want to know… :)

  10. Comment by Tess on July 10, 2006 10:48 pm

    I’ve noticed something in SL I find interesting. I mostly hang (by the wrists or ankles) with the other girls (since most of the males I’ve met are of the “U wan 2 fuk” school of conversational advancement) at The Bondage Ranch and I’ve noticed that they are all taller to MUCH taller than me. When I made my Avatar I tried to make her about my size but tallness seems VERY popular. I haven’t bumped into you yet in SL and I am curious how tall your Avatar is…

    Tess

  11. Comment by Noche on July 11, 2006 2:05 pm

    My av is relatively petite, but that doesn’t seem to hinder my in-world popularity. One thing I’ve noticed is that it seems that Second Life dommes tend to be taller, while the subs tend to be shorter. But that’s certainly not always the case, as I know a number of taller subs.

  12. Trackback by viagra on August 31, 2006 12:49 am

    viagra

    viagra The play we saw the slots Naturally some you excel in most aspects of poker, but you completely ignore game selection, phentermine will often take a pounding in these slots slots I assume that will lead slots more than immediately meets the eye….

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.